One question I often ask my clients is this:
If you knew today were the last day of your life what regrets would you have if any?
Typical answers include:
- Didn’t spend enough time with (mother, father, sister, brother, child, friends, etc.)
- Never worked at the career I really wanted
- Never made peace with (mother, father, sister, brother, child, etc.)
- Never tried (activity)
Almost no one answers with something material. Yet when I first meet with clients they often have a list of material things that they want. Why the disconnect? Why aren’t people focusing on the things that they truly want in life vs. more material things?
Certainly some things like decent housing, heat, etc. are fundamental to happiness, but above a basic living standard there is very little correlation between happiness and material wealth. But why many of us aspire to a Lexus vs. a Toyota, or a McMansion vs. a standard size house.
I call it the “Retail Industrial Complex.” Companies spend BILLIONS of dollars to convince you and me that if we purchase their product or service it will truly make us happy. Unfortunately, the things that really make us happy, spending time with those we care about, doing work we really value really don’t require the purchase of a lot of material goods.
Therefore the Retail Industrial Complex spends its billions to supplant our own internal value system with their own. Their system revolves around the product and its role in achieving happiness for you. You will be happier because you will be (richer, sexier, m loved more by family, more envied by neighbors), if you buy our product. Of course, the product may provide a temporary boost in happiness, but after a period of time it becomes part of the routine and no longer provides the boost that it once did, because it did not address one of the key drivers of happiness (see list of regrets above).
Think about this the next time you decide that you need to spend more time at a job you don’t like, to make more money, to buy a bigger (house, car, etc. etc.), to benefit your (kids, spouse, partner, etc.) Will your kids be happier in a big house and see you less, or a smaller house, and see you more? What regrets will you have?
Next: How the Retail Industrial Complex uses your family and friends to change your value system.